Personality 'Issues' in the local church

I have just joined and this may be a strange subject for my very first post.

I am an older Christian lady and sometimes I am astonished by 'new' developments. My present one, within the local church, is that, having recently heard the term 'Gaslighting' I seem to be coming across it more and more. It's got me thinking and I am interested in learning more - I have ordered a 'secular' book about it.

I wonder where people who intentionally control or emotionally abuse others 'fit in' the local church family. At present I have a particular church member in mind - outwardly a 'Salt-of-the-earth type' Christian.

At my senior 'stage' in life, and still eager to grow on my Christian journey, I now think I have rubbed shoulders with more than just one or two such people who are controlling and emotionally abusive - albeit well hidden and different from their outward 'church' behaviour. Could I be vulnerable to attracting such people?

Can such people who damage others, even within the church family, by discreetly 'Gaslighting' really have the Holy Spirit living in their lives - that is as in really be Christians themselves? Maybe it's a question not to be asked in case it is judgemental. I am both interested and concerned, though.

Thank you.

afterplus